Home Port Tradition

9th Annual Old Plank & River Road Clean-up

Cooper's Landing - Easley & Columbia, MO

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Text by Steve Schnarr, photos by Racin' Dave Stevens, Trash Tally by Ruthie Moccia

click here for photos on Facebook    *    click here for photos on Flickr

As winter nears its end and the ditches begin to fill with a year’s worth of throwaway trash, we get itchy to get out and clean up our gateway to the river here in Southern Boone County, MO.
We basically wait until the first “free” weekend with relatively good weather and no snow on the ground. Then, the Wednesday before, we put out the word….It’s the Old Plank and River Road Clean-up! 

We always get a great crowd, even at the last minute. Folks is ready!

Folks bring trucks and vans and trailers, kiddos, their personal favorite trash grabbing utensils, something warm to share and plenty of pent-up winter trash getting energy.

This was our 9th year in a row cleaning up this stretch of road. There tends to be less trash every year, but it’s still amazing how much there is. One thing that never changes is how good it feels to clean it up. 

We start at the intersection of Route K and Old Plank Rd (south of Columbia) and walk all the way to Cooper’s Landing. Actually we divide and conquer. It takes four or five groups of people to cover those five miles. We’ve only adopted 1.5 of those miles, but we always were over-achievers and figure we ought to cover the whole thing. Then we also send a group to cover the River Road and Katy Trail from Cooper’s Landing to Easley (another mile). If we have enough folks and vehicles, we also send a group toward “Party Corner” in the Wilton Bottoms, where they always find a bunch of junk to clean-up (plus at the Bonne Femme Bridge). We collect all the trash in two different kinds of bags – one type for recyclables (which get taken to the Columbia Municipal Recycling bins) and one type for general trash. 

This year we got it all! And, as always, it was just a bizarre mix of stuff that had been tossed along our roads and river in a year…but mostly beer and liquor bottles and cans, cigarette butts and packs and, of course, little bits of plastic and food wrappers. There’s one road sign that is always surrounding by a crowd of bottles (target practice). There’s that mysterious conglomeration of beer cans that seem to be about a 12 ounce drive from the nearest convenience store. And there’s that spot on the river where some Mountain Dew drinker (and Camel smoker) likes to have lunch. Ugh!!!!
And then there’s the big, weird stuff. A toilet. A basketball goal, net and pole. The metal frame from a hide-a-bed. How can there be all this stuff….every year? 

A big thanks to all of you that could come and help – that’s exactly what it takes. After loading up our trailers, we headed to our Club Medfly for some hot food, cold drinks and a little relaxation. A group photo by the trash, then we sort it all out into piles…a trailer full of recyclables and a giant pile of junk by our Adopt-A-Road sign (to be hauled off by the awesome Boone County Public Works crew). 

This year we were blessed by beautiful weather, sunshine, and a flock of gulls to watch flit along the river. 

The cleanup season has begun!

Just part of the cleanup crew...Riverbillies and River Relief!

Here’s the trash tally, as diligently recorded by the lovely Ruthie Moccia!

Trash Tally!
58 bags trash
68 bags recyclables
box fan
plant hanger
large red cooler
tackle box
matching set of deer antlers
microwave oven
tire
5 gallon red gas can
5 gallon metal bucket
5 gallon plastic bucket – 2
black plastic trike
toilet
standing basketball hoop
pregnancy test – 2 (both negative)
hide-a-bed
4 Mardigras bead necklaces
Jose Cuervo Margarita mix bottles – 12(!)
full soda cans – 2
Margarita mix
full beer cans – 7
full Mike’s Hard Lemonade
soccer ball
glass bong with frog décor
baby elephant – plastic
metal welcome sign
long handled brush – all bristles intact
folding lawn chair
upholstered chair (back only)
camp chair
picture frame (needs work)
12’ electrical cable
cow feeder top
rusted metal
stainless steel square with bolts
 

The crew relaxes after an awesome cleanup.

Hometown River Race

Cooper's Cup Flying Carp Canoe & Kayak Race
September 20, 2008
Cooper's Landing
Hosted by River Ladies Auxiliary
text by Steve Schnarr, photos by Dave "the River Slave" Marner & Melanie Cheney

Nobody knows how long paddler races have been going on at the Providence and Plowboy Bends of the Missouri River. I’ve heard of races in the seventies, but the participants I’ve talked to have pretty foggy memories of what went on. Some claim the races went down the Perche Creek, while others remember paddling on the Missouri. How about in prehistory? I can imagine huge dugout canoes manned by ten paddlers each barreling up and down the wild and weird big muddy river. Why not?

To quote an unnamed river rat friend, “further research is needed.”

But to jump forward in time, on September 20, 2008, for the third year in a row, a very strange phenomenon has taken place at this beautiful waypoint along the Missouri River. It’s so difficult to describe, it even has two names: The River Ladies Auxiliary’s Flying Carp and Cooper’s Cup Canoe & Kayak Races.

Doirienne & Keenan O'Brian catch a glimpse of the race namesake on the Perche Creek. photo by Dave Marner

We’ve become accustomed to long distance, downstream races on the Big Muddy. But this thing is a very short race. In fact the length of it changes every year. But there are a few really cool things about it: 1) No shuttle required. 2) You don’t need a ground crew 3) Spectators can see almost the whole thing from one spot on shore. 4) It costs five bucks to get in the race (and, hell, if you’re really pushy, you can enter even as the racers are gathering at start point).

The day has two races, but three classes. The first is a tandem canoe race with one adult and one kid (16 and under). The second race has two classes: single kayak and tandem canoe race paddling at the same time.

It begins and ends at the same place: Cooper’s Landing’s skinny, steep boat ramp. The ramp enters the river just downstream of a wing dike and is plagued with a strong eddy that changes as river levels change.

The crowded race start. photo by Melanie Cheney

Racers gather in the eddy, waiting for the blast of the starting horn from Sparky’s houseboat (if you don’t know Sparky, you should). They then pick their path across the raging current, heading slightly upstream if they can to the next buoy placed in the slower water on the other side.

They then paddle like mad upstream (the most grueling part of the race), looping around another buoy before heading back across river. This is a tricky maneuver because the river bends sharply here.

They dive into the mouth of the Little Bonne Femme Creek, circle a buoy, then get back into the channel to finish at Cooper’s ramp. Some years they have to stop at a sandbar, collect trash or a flag, and then hurry back to their boat. Each buoy or landmark gets a name: the slower water on the opposite bank is Carpbait Curve, there’s Deadman’s Dike, the Cauldron and, at the mouth of Bonne Femme Creek, is the Maiden’s Mouth. This year, the combination of high water, fast current and the wakes from motor boats created some pretty weird water in the Maiden’s Mouth, as you can see in Dave the River Slave’s awesome photo.

But this year, the river was very high. We even discussed not holding the race, but after a test run decided it was tough, but doable. We shortened the race course and, since there was not a sandbar in sight, took that part out. For the kid & adult race, we decided to start the racers up Perche Creek, so they would just need to paddle downstream and not have to fight around wingdikes or against the raging current.

With Tim Nigh giving play-by-play on shore and Jeff Barrow with radio dispatches from on the river, it makes for a hilarious spectacle all around. (“Folks, it looks like ‘Stinky and the Brain’ are making the cut across river at Deadman’s Dike headed for the Maiden’s Mouth. Look at those strokes! They’re really making headway now!”) Folks crowd onto the top decks of houseboats and all along shore to watch the paddlers battle it out.

This year we had two vessels tip over. But in testament to the good vibes of the event, these folks were just as happy as the winners (“This makes for a better story!” said one soggy participant).

Afterwards, awards go the winners in each class, as well as for the best team name. This year, the evening was capped off with the Charlie Brown Boogie-Down Dance Contest, hosted by local musical favorites Crazyfish.

Here’s a list of the winners (and honorable mention in each class). Congrats to the winners and thank you to all the good sports that tried their hand paddling up and down the Big Muddy!

Kid & Adult Tandem Canoe Race
1) Scott & Quinton Swafford, “Gazortenplatz”
2) Doreiann & Keenan O’Brien, “Favorite Noodle”
3) Sylvia Donnelly & Maggie Rotts, “Double-Trouble Boats & Bubbles”
Honorable mention –
Dave & Nick Mosby, “Heart of Hartsburg”
Bill & Nick Rotts & Daliliah Donnelly, “Flitty Flood Flubbers”
Chip & Ian Price, “Price Crispies”
Vince & Joe Blazis, “Stinky & the Brain”

Kid & Adult race winners, “Gazortenplatz” in their Kevlar canoe - Scott and Quinton Swafford

Adult Solo Kayak -
1) Kory Kaufman, “Leave Me Be I’m Not Trash”
2) John Breyfogle, “Alligator Cove”
3) Jason Bauer, “Carolina”
Honorable Mention –
Jim Bauer, “Loon”
Brenda Reida, “Just Kayaking”
Brad Bauer, “Althea”
Solo Kayak winner Kory Kaufman ("Leave Me Be I'm Not Trash!") reaches the finish line. photo by Melanie Cheney

Second place solo kayaker John Breyfogle ("Alligator Cove") approaches the finish just ahead of Tandem Canoe winners Chip Price & Scott Swafford ("The Editors"). photo by Melanie Cheney

Tandem Canoe Race –
1) Chip Price & Scott Swafford, “The Editors”
2) Travis & Roy, “Scramin’ Seamen”
3) Vince Gallo & Uncle Denny Ternamian, “Team Swell”
Honorable Mention –
Sylvia & Bill Rotts, “Carp A Delerium”
Aaron Boynton & Ken, “Tippy Canoe”
Will Buck & Rob Forman, “The Oakland Raiders”
Jim Karpowicz & Jerry Bizzle, “The Last Minute-Men”
Mark Osborn & Jim Hellmann, “Alagash”
Philip Masters & Mike Osborn, “The Fighting Mongooses”
Daniel Thorne & Gabe Ryan, “Boonslick Buccaneers” (Also winner of Best Name!)

Down on the River Road

Our Annual Old Plank/River Road Cleanup
March 30th, 2008
Columbia, MO
text & photos copyright Melanie Cheney

Forecast outlook, not so good. Increasing chance of rain, rain, & more rain. Spring had arrived with warm temps & threatening skies. Surprisingly, 32 people showed up to clean our river roads despite the gray, drizzly morning. Not surprisingly, the rain held off, the whole day & all was well!

Many old-school crew members showed up for our annual cleanup, including mama of 2, Robyn Ricks. With one strapped on her back, and another one in tow, we took to the roads, separating recyclables from trash. We put our flashing winkies on the vans, hit Old Plank Rd. & divided into groups, some working up, some down, others including myself distracted by trashy ditches off the main road, & going in the opposite direction all together.

I was afraid all of the trash I had seen weeks earlier on that road had all washed downstream already with the record amounts of rain we have had. Working alongside Jen, Chuelo & Dave Bandy, we slowly & meticulously went to work, as there was plenty for all of us to clean up.

I had to grab my camera out of the van at one point to document an outflow from a lagoon spilling into a ditch, full of nasty looking green algae, knowing full well it was going into one of the streams below, & soon to the Little Bonne Femme, then to our beloved Missouri River. Not long after that, I discovered a good amount of trash and sediment coming from a construction sight in the nearby subdivision, also flowing right into the ditch. I reported both to Department of Natural Resources in hopes they might look into it & do something about it. The highlight for me though, was finding a coconut carved out into a monkey’s head.

In just a few hours we had retrieved 65 bags of recyclables (mostly beer bottles & cans), 43 bags of trash, a rusty old swing-set in pieces, a broken mailbox, and 3 tires. By my calculations, this is approximately 1.06 tons of trash in a 2.5 mile stretch of road. And this is why we have a cleanup every year, because every year careless people still toss it out the window.

here's a picture of just part of our crew and a whole bunch of trash

It also appears to me that everywhere I look, especially after all of this rain, there is literally tons of trash all over the place. You may not notice it when the grass & weeds grow up, but it is there. This is a great time of year to organize a river, trail or road cleanup, and I hope others will get out there & do their part too. That reminds me, Clean-up Columbia day is next weekend, April 12th for those of you looking for the nearest cleanup in your neck of the woods.

As usual, feeling highly satisfied & worn out, we ended our successful event with a potluck on the bank of the river. It was cool & gray out, but we were dry, dirty, & happy. Several of us took our shoes off, walking around in the cold sand and warming our toes on the campfire, all the while, listening to our favorite local river rats serenade us on guitar & vocals. It is so nice when a community can all get together and accomplish something great, & celebrate, giving each other good company & joy as the river gods gently smile upon us.

Special thanks to Carl and Ann Orazio, their wonderful sons and friends for working their butts off and cleaning at the mouth of Little Bonne Femme (which they do almost every week). Thanks to Dyno, Karen & Ding-Dang Dearnley for hauling the recyclables to town. Thanks to Boone County Public Works for taking everything else as part of their Adopt-A-Road program. Thank you to all the good cooks for a great potluck and to Uncle Denny, Robyn Ricks, Dyno, Dave Dearnley and (especially) Naked Dave for playing wonderful tunes for us!!!!

Cooper's Clean-up Trash Tally

Cooper's Landing Clean-up
September 15, 2007
Cooper's Landing Marina at the Port of Nashville

Here's the results from our Cooper's Landing Missouri River clean-up on September 15. Thanks to Dyan Pursell for keeping such a meticulous list! And thanks to Veolia Environmental Services for donating a rolloff dumpster, Jimmy Rippeto for hauling off our scrap metal, AutoTech for dealing with the tires and especially for Civic Recycling, who took our plastic, aluminum and glass (one of the only places in the state that will take river-ravaged recyclables...)

Total Volunteers: 36
River Relief Core Crew: 20
River Miles: 8 (168-174 both banks, plus 2 miles up the mouth of the Perche Creek)
Road & Trail Miles: 3
Tons of Landfill Trash: 1.1
Tons of Scrap Metal: estimated 1.4 tons
Recyclables: 128 cubic feet of plastic, 400 lbs. glass, 20 lbs. aluminum
Tires: 18
Number of Boats: 3 (Missouri Department of Conservation: 1; River Relief: 2)
Groups Represented: Friends of Big Muddy
Names of Volunteer Crews: “Trash Gordon”, “Jo-Rod”, “The Roadies”

Partial List of Trash

note: of the 59 bags of trash, 21 were thrown
in the dumpster after sorting out the recyclables
59 bags of trash
18 tires
6 folding chairs
4 styrofoam chunks
1 message in a bottle from Wathena, KS, at rivermile 439
3 refrigerators
3 washing machines
2 fiber boards
2 poly 3-gallon jugs
2 pieces PVC pipe
2 decoy ducks
1 ziplock bag full of superhero action figures
2 coolers
2 left dancing shoes
2 parts of plastic lawn chair
2 plastic tubs
2 car floor mats
2 propane tanks

2 bicycle tires on rim
1 sleeping bag
1 bathroom sink
1 big TV
1 ceiling fan
1 10x13 propeller
1 stainless steel countertop
1 roll rubbing sheeting
1 1/2-foot garden hose
1 plastic baseball bat
1 car seat
1 house door
1 exercise bike
1 house door 1 super soaker
1 5-gallon plastic bucket
1 folding camp chair
1 caution sign
1 outdoor chair pad
1 message in a bottle
1 woman’s net underwear
1 Honda motorcycle fuel tank
1 winnie the pooh ball

1 FILA tennis shoe
1 binoculars
1 plastic mop bucket
1 paddle boat
1 steel 55 gallon barrel
1 plastic 55 gallon barrel
1 30-gallon metal barrel
1 buoy
½ of a plastic feed container
scrap metal
1 DVD of some pretty raunchy porn

The Craziest River Race Ever

Second Annual Flying Carp Canoe & Kayak Races September 15, 2007
Cooper's Landing at the Port of Nashville
River Ladies Auxiliary & Missouri River Relief

text by Steve Schnarr, photos by Melanie Cheney, map by Tim Nigh

If any of you were lucky enough to catch the second ever Flying Carp Races at Cooper's Landing last month...I imagine you'll never forget it.



The trouble with canoe races on the Missouri River is that they're difficult to watch. You can watch paddlers one by one cruise by your spot, but then you've got to get up and move if you want to see more. And let's face it, there's just not a lot of places to see the river.

The River Ladies Auxiliary, a group of longtime River Reliefers from the mid-Missouri area, have that problem solved. Just make the paddlers go upstream!

Sept. 15 was gorgeous, and a slew of paddlers showed up to strut their stuff and brave the ridiculous course designed for them by the RLA. The first race was with one adult and one child in canoes. The paddlers had to cruise upstream, navigating around wing dikes and several placed buoys. When they got to the sandbar at the mouth of the Perche, they had to hop out and find one piece of recyclable trash for each catagory: glass, plastic, steel & aluminum. They bagged up their stash and then ran back to their canoe to continue downstream, past Cooper's then back up to the ramp.

Tim Nigh and Heidi Bennett came up with names for all the obstacles and Tim put together this map:



The upstream part of the race was brutal. But the heart that these kids and their parents showed was totally amazing. No one gave up and everyone finished with huge, exhausted smiles.

The second race was run with two classes at once: tandem canoe and solo kayak. Here's the lowdown on how the race was run: Folks started at the wingdike by Cooper's ramp. They ferried across the river, around the buoy at "Carpbait Curve". Then they muscled upstream, passing through a pair of buoys at the end of "Deadman's Dike". Crossing the river again, they flew downstream to snag a flag from the beach called "Scurvy Sandbar". Back in the river, they entered the mouth of Bonne Femme Creek (the "Maiden's Mouth"), swung around a buoy, then hit the channel again, passing Cooper's ramp and maneuvering around a very tricky buoy in the eddy at "Pirate's Cove". The final push was upstream again, over a wingdike and into "Cooper's Bay."



It was an outrageous race. Tim Nigh and Dyno did the play-by-play over the PA, with occasional on-the-spot reports from Racin' Dave on the roving safety boat. One person tipped over, just as the first place canoe and kayak were passing over the final wingdike. Each race entrant had a name. There were play-by-play reports like this: "The Pirates missed the Maiden's Mouth! And now look, the Booty Snatchers are now snatching the lead. Folks, just goes to show that you should never forget the Maiden's Mouth...it's a mortal sin!"

Racers got great prizes like pies, massage gift certificates and the "Cooper's Cup", filled with beer or root beer.

The action was followed up by a jam by Naked Dave & the Blue Cats and a dance-off hosted by Los Desterrados (called, in typical Heidi Bennett style the "Charlie Brown Boogie-Down Danceoff"). Once again...just about the coolest party of the year, celebrating the river and the amazing community of river rats that call Cooper's Landing home.

Here's the rundown of winners:
Cooper's Cup, adult & child tandem: "The Hartsburgers" - Bill and Maggie Rotts
Cooper's Cup, tandem canoe: "The Booty Snatchers" - Eric Hempel & Rod Power
Cooper's Cup, solo kayak: "Dump Diva" (or "ankle-biting sand flea") - Jessi Just (back from Oregon!)

Homeport Celebration....

Cooper's Clean-up & Flying Carp Canoe & Kayak Races
September 15, 2007
Cooper's Landing, Port of Nashville
River Ladies Auxiliary & Missouri River Relief

text by Steve Schnarr, photos by Melanie Cheney

The River Ladies Auxiliary has been going strong for a couple years now, putting together clean-ups and outrageous riverside events at our homeport of Cooper's Landing on Providence Bend. This mysterious group of river rats always throws the best party of the year down there, raising funds for river events and raising up the community energy.

This year, Heidi Bennett was intent on hosting the coolest paddler race ever on the Missouri River. In typical River Relief fashion, we decided..."well, while we're at it, let's do a clean-up, too."

So on Sept. 15, we started our day with a small, local clean-up and followed it up with a river celebration, RLA style. The clean-up focused on trashy party spots in the area and a massive drift pile chocked full of trash from this spring's flood. Some folks walked our "Adopt-a-road" stretch along the river and the Katy Trail, gleaning several bags of trash and a chest freezer. A road crew headed to the McBaine Bottoms to pluck several appliances recently dumped on the roadside near the big bur oak tree.



We had a couple of boats hit the water. One of our boats was down, so we called Jeremy Kolaks from MDC to come in at the last minute, and he scoured the river road banks with a crew. Another crew went up the Perche Creek, looking for a half-a-paddleboat and a porta-potty a local river rat had reported. Found the paddleboat, still missing the porta-potty....



We kept this clean-up small on purpose...we wanted a more relaxed local effort before the afternoon's races. The energy that came out of it was anything but small, though. The recyclable sorting scene was frantic as always, and there was amazing homebaked goodies from Su Saragnese, Krissy Heitcamp and Jeanie Kuntz.

Brett Allen from Civic Recycling offered to take our plastic, aluminum and glass (he's the only one in the state that we know of that will accept river-ravaged recyclables). Local scrapper Jimmy Rippeto hauled off the scrap and appliances and Veolia donated a rolloff bin for everything else. AutoTech, our steady car mechanics, took our tires (although after looking at the stack of muddy tires with the rims...he may have regretted it).



Special thanks to Mike Cooper and the gang for hosting us again. And thanks to all you river lovers that came to help. One again, we got an amazing amount of trash with just a few handfuls of folks. Next year we'll do a big clean-up in the area!



And this is a photo of veteran clean-up queen Robyn Ricks with her newborn son Harrison. Robyn's husband, Sam Wright, raced in the Flying Carp races in the afternoon with Dave Dittmer (under the name "Lumberjerks") - they placed fourth!